Notes From A Therapist Who Is Also In Therapy

I imagine one of the most universal experiences of being in therapy is wondering what your therapist is actually thinking throughout the session. Sometimes these wonders even turn into worries, “am I doing therapy wrong?”. As someone who is both a therapist and a person in therapy, I have the unique opportunity to calm some of my own anxieties as a client by remembering who I am when I’m sitting in the therapist’s chair.

Because of that, I’ve found myself curious about how therapists might experience therapy differently than someone who isn’t a therapist. When I’m the client, there are a handful of things I regularly remind myself of when I feel insecure, worried, or stuck in an overthinking spiral. I wanted to share some of these thoughts here in case this perspective brings even a little comfort before you walk into your next session.

(Side note: yes, your therapist is human. And yes, we absolutely feel very anxious in our own therapy sometimes!)

Just because the tool sounds simple doesn’t mean your therapist thinks it’s simple to practice.

As a client, when my therapist walks me through action steps, I often catch myself thinking about how easy it sounds when she says it. Sometimes that quickly turns into shame, like maybe I’m the one making it harder than it needs to be. The “I should already know this” voice shows up fast.

But as a therapist, I know that part of our job is to make things feel approachable. When we introduce tools or strategies, we intentionally simplify them so they feel tangible and safe enough to try. The goal is accessibility, not minimization.

So when I’m feeling especially vulnerable in my own sessions, I remind myself: just because something is explained clearly doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. Approachability does not cancel out the very real mental hurdles, emotional blocks, or barriers in the way. I’m allowed to struggle with something I’ve never practiced before, even if I intellectually understand the steps.

It’s truly not frustrating when we talk about the same thing over and over.

This is something I’ve actually joked with my therapist about: “Guess what we’re talking about again today!?” As a client, it can feel vulnerable, even embarrassing, to keep bringing up the same topic. Sometimes it feels like defeat. As if I’m quietly admitting, “I still can’t figure this out.”

But from my perspective as a therapist, when something keeps showing up session after session, it tells me how important it is. The things that feel unresolved are the things that we come back to. If you already had everything you needed to move through it, you would.

Our job isn’t to rush you past what hurts. It’s to sit with you in it and help you approach it from different angles. Of course we revisit things. Growth is rarely a one-session breakthrough. Honestly, it would probably be a disservice to expect ourselves to have it all figured out after one try.

Sometimes the most therapeutic thing we can do is sit with you in it — and sometimes that feels really, really uncomfortable.

There are days I walk into therapy thinking, “Thank goodness I have therapy today. She’s going to fix this. She’ll tell me exactly what to do!” As a therapist, I know that’s not how it works. But as a human? I still show up with a tiny shred of hope that maybe this is the session where everything just clicks and gets solved.

And sometimes what actually happens is that we sit in the hard thing. No immediate fix. No magic sentence that untangles it all. Just presence.

As a therapist, I know how powerful and comforting this can be. For me, as a client, it sometimes feels… gross. Exposing. Vulnerable. Unsatisfying. Slow. 

But oftentimes it is what we need. Someone else to share the weight, shed light on the things we shamefully conceal, and validate that these emotions are heavy because they are real. If we continue to run from the things that are hard, we continue to validate to ourselves that it’s scary and worth running from. Sometimes the simple acknowledgment is where we gain our power back. When I am a client and feel this, I remind myself of this truth. Sometimes the thing we need isn’t the thing that feels the most comfortable. 

It’s not your job to filter your experience for us.

You don’t have to present your thoughts in a polished way. You don’t have to soften the edges to make them more digestible. You don’t have to avoid experiences, details, or emotions you worry we might not understand. You don’t have to protect us from your anger, your confusion, your disappointment, or your messiness. And you don’t have to guess where our boundaries are. Part of our role is holding this space. If something needs to be addressed or clarified, that responsibility belongs to us, not you. 

As a client, I use this reminder to give myself permission and space to show up exactly as I am that day. I trust my therapist will hold space for me, and speak up if she needs something different. Taking off that responsibility is a breath of fresh air for me when I am the client. It’s not my weight to hold then. Just as, it’s not your weight to hold in your own sessions. 

It’s so easy for our anxiousness to sway how we show up. When we’re worried about how to show up, it can often block our authenticity. I hope sharing the dual perspective of these thoughts allows you to enter the therapy room next time with a little less worry and a lot more permission to show up as you are.