“Why couldn’t my mom do that for me?”

“Why couldn’t my mom do that for me?” That’s a question you may ask yourself as you show up for your kids in ways that feel foreign to you. 

Motherhood while carrying the pain of “mom hurt” is a complicated journey to navigate. Being a mom can be healing to the little girl within you that needed the love and comfort you provide for your children. But it can also trigger feelings that you worked hard to push down.

There are various things that can fall into the mom hurt category. It’s having the mom that overly criticized you, hurting your self esteem. Or having a mom whose emotions were all too consuming, leaving no space for your own. Who may have been abusive (emotionally, physically, and emotionally), who body shamed, or parentified you. Even the mom that was so disconnected, it left you wondering if she even loved you. 

While we can have empathy for the paths that led them to those behaviors and maybe even reconciling that they did the best they could with the tools they had. We can also acknowledge the impact that it had on you as a woman and a mom. 

Maybe you’re the mom that’s trying her best to provide her kids with the love, care, and emotional safety you lacked. Or maybe you find yourself stuck in the habits you were taught, battling the feeling of guilt that you’re unable to step outside those reactive behaviors. 

Therapy can provide a safe space to bear witness to the pain that little girl endured. Emotionally, therapy can give the little you a voice and acknowledge what she needed but didn’t receive. Cognitively, it can help confront the behaviors that you feel trapped in. Whether the goal is healing, change, or both, therapy can be the place for you. 

Written by Keisha Lovett, LPC, P-LPC